Thursday, June 30, 2011

I need to move to Austin.

Here is an ad that the Alamo Drafthouse Cinema plays in front of their R rated movies to remind their patrons that it is rude to talk or text during movies.



The voicemail is actually real according to the Drafthouse.

Between this ad and the fucking gorgeous posters they commission to promote repertory screenings, I want to marry this fucking movie theater. Never before have I wanted to take a vacation just so I could go to a movie theater.

Below are some of my favorites of the many posters created specifically for the drafthouse:




Wednesday, June 29, 2011

The greatest reality t.v. trailer ever.

Here is a "sizzle reel" for the upcoming Food Network reality competition  show "Extreme Chef." A sizzle reel is apparently like a trailer, except much longer and based on this one more XTREME!

You don't need to watch the whole thing, in fact please don't watch all 3 minutes of this, but be sure to at least watch from 1:10 to 1:20, where two blond childern react to a chef with expressions that are Xtremely staged. This is then followed immediately by one of the Chef's wandering out of a random homeowner's pool for no discernible reason.



Note that the guy wandering soaking wet out of the pool is not addressed at all. That segment was about them having to barrow ingredients from the neighbors, did this neighbor store all of his produce at the bottom of his pool for some reason? Maybe there was a fridge at the bottom of his pool?

In conclusion, all reality shows should involve the host exclaiming "Go milk your cows!" with the same bravado that Russel Crowe said, "At my signal, unleash hell!" at the beginning of Gladiator.

via Warming Glow

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Ken Hitchcock wishes he didn't keep getting fired

Ken Hitchcock was the coach of the Philadelphia Flyers from 2002 until eight games into the 2006-2007 season, when his ass was fired.*

Approximately thirty seconds before he was fired, this ad started airing late nights on some of the shittier basic cable channels in Philadelphia:



I was at school there at the time and even before Hitchcock got fired, I thought this was the greatest ad ever.

Its not as funny in the youtube version as it was on T.V., since it is grainy and hard to see, but watch the ad again and look at the expression and body language of the jeweler to Hitchcock's left at the begining of the ad, and that same man when he is standing in the center behind Hitchcock at the end of the ad.

That man is the most awkward man alive.

Sir, I understand that you clearly were nervous about being on camera, and I find it endearing and sympathetic that you chose to deal with this fear by standing rigid while displaying a closed mouth smile that doesn't look like something a human mouth should be capable of, but that still doesn't mean I don't find you hilarious.

Seriously, this guy looks like he was drawn by Chuck Jones for Dr. Seuss's How the Grinch Stood Around  Looking Awkward As Fuck.








Footnote(s):
*For the record, I am not a Flyers fan, but am a fan of Ken Hitchcock, he was one of the folks who got the NHL to start doing 4 on 4 overtime. (He actually did a camp which experimented with 3 on 3 overtime, which I think they should add to the NHL this year, it makes more sense then going to a goddamned shootout.)

I like Hitchcock because he seems like a consistent, hardworking coach who has been used as the scapegoat and fired from 3 different underperforming teams. (Stars, Flyers, Blue Jackets. Yes he was fired from the fucking Blue Jackets, despite them being one of the worst teams in the league and Hitchcock somehow coaching them to their only playoff appearance ever in his short tenure there.)

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is: The Flyers will always be my cartoon villains in hockey.**

 This footnote is about to be longer than the body of blog entry, and is not at all advertising related. So I will end it with my proposal for a hockey related Dentyne ad:

This is also my attempt to do something non-idiotic with the new Dentyne slogan "practice safe breath" which is a cute slogan but has been used only in painfully obvious ways in commercials so far. Like this gem:



It is funny, you see, because it is like he is looking for condoms. Exactly like he is looking for condoms, without any jokes in it.  Just a condom search played out but with a different item in mind. Jesus Christ, someone actually got paid to write this idea down. I assume the whole script for this was a piece of toilet paper with the phrase: "This Gum is like condoms!" Sharpied onto it.

Dentyne, if you are gonna have a slogan equating gum to sex, a good start would probably be to put something even mildly sexy in your ads. Here's my idea:

Dentyne
Even during a riot it pays to practice safe breath




Footnote(s) about Footnote(s):
**My main villains are The Flyers and Sean Avery. Avery, who on the ice behaves like Snidley Whiplash on purpose, but then off the ice does classy stuff like appearing in Albany in support of gay marriage. Though off the ice he also insults other players and their wives.

In terms of why I dislike the Flyers, no reason having to do with the current roster, they just are rivals of the Penguins, Capitals, and Devils, all of whom are teams I root for. In my defense, its not just I who think of Flyers as perennial assholes. The Flyers were such dicks in the 70's that the uniforms for the team full of convicted felons Paul Newman plays against at the end of Slap Shot were designed to look like the Flyers uniforms. (See Exhibit A, below).


The team from Slap Shot (left) was called the Syracuse Bull Dogs. And based on this photo they apparently had Rocco from The Boondock Saints on their team.

Rocco seems very perturbed by this accusation. Or perhaps his expression is based on him having a precognitive revelation about what an incredible piece of shit Boodock Saints II: All Saint Day would turn out to be.



Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Podcast Episode 20


We made it to 20 podcasts! And they said we couldn't count*


Thor's Hour of Thunder: Episode 20: The Podcast Walks Among Us


The south of france, 20 podcasts, Champange, University of Illinois, Champagne-Urbana, University of Illinois Hockey Team, Kerry Stinson, John Scully, Jess Hoffman, Bear Suits are funny, Bears as Well, Christopher Walken, Saturday Night Live, The Continental, CAFTA, the treaty of versailles, The official Sports team of the podcast, Univesity of Illinois's Hockey Team is the official sports team of Thor's Hour Of Thunder. Doctor Scully, Journey Into Mystery, Dr. Scully, Walking Stick, Dana Scully, Tampa Bay Lightening, Peeing Fire, Computers on Fire, Ke$ha, Valhalla, Valhalla New York, New York State, LMFAO, Yes, Party Rock, Party Rock Anthem, Super Nintendo, 80's arcade games, Foo your penis is clean, Glenn Beck, Coupling, BBC, NBC, Friends, Steven Moffat, Watershed, Fuck, Cash 4 Gold, Cash for Gold, ragnarok, sean bean, first aid kit, first-aid kit, April Summers, GoldenEye, Game of Thrones, Smoking, Playboy, Sean Bean Stabbed, Stabbed, GIECO, car insurance, Rush Limbaugh, Breath Right nasal strips, Michael Moore, Fox News, NPR, Superman, Superman Returns, Kryptonite, Brandon Routh, Kevin Spacey, Pulp Fiction, Quentin Tarantino, Sam Jackson, Samuel L. Jackson, Lex Luthor, The Joker, Batman, Joker, Heath Ledger, Vancouver Canucks, X-Files, Fox Mulder, Die Another Day, Diamonds are Forever, Reagan, Ronald Reagan, James Bond, django unchained, ulysses s grant, Bryan Singer, Robert E Lee, Kill Switch, X-Files Epsiode Kill Switch, The Lone Gunman, Do they speak English in What. Say What again, Did I break your concentration?, Willy Wonka, WIlly Wonka and the chocolate factory, John Travolta, gene wilder, Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka, Peter Ostrum, Charlie Bucket, Jack Albertson,, Grandpa Joe, Julie Dawn Cole, Veruca Salt, Paris Themmen, Mike Teevee, Denise, Nickerson, Violet Beauregarde, Michael Bollner, Augustus Gloop, Diana Sowle, Mrs. Bucket, Dodo Denney, Mrs. Teevee, Leonard Stone, Mr. Sam Beauregarde, Roy Kinnear, Mr. Henry Salt, Arthur Slugworth, G√ľnter Meisner.


Michael Madsen, Tim Roth, Vinnie Vega, Uma Thurman, Harvey Keitel, Tom Jane, Quantas, Scientology, Tom Cruise, The Punisher, Bengal tiger at baghdad zoo, Sideshow, Barker, Step right up, Times Square, Robin Williams, Chico and the man, Freddy Prince, Freddy Prince Senior, Freddy Prince Junior, boys from brazil






Footnote(s)
*Yes, I stole the "And they said we couldn't count" joke from the slogan Maxim's 1000th issue.

old news

I know I am about a year and a half behind on this, but LMFAO, are a pretty fucking awesome band. The 10 minute music video for "Yes" makes me very happy. Watch this right now, if you haven't: (sorry about the commercial in front of it. LMFAO's just trying to feed their robot families*)



The way RedFoo dances in this, and particularly the way he  throws his curling broom after his verse, makes me so damn happy.

I don't think I mentioned this yet: THIS GODDAMNED MUSIC VIDEO IS ABOUT CURLING.

This proves my theory:

CURLING IS AWESOME.

Anyway. If you already watched this music video. Watch it again.



YES.



Footnote(s):
*Yes, just like the frenchman from "EuroTrip" was. I possibly use that quote more often anything ever.

Yum

Piping cold is a cute slogan. This ad does a good job of making me want frozen hot chocolate.
Its simple,  but effective,  proof that ads don't have to be hugley complex or mind blowing to be good. They just need to make me want the product while being clever enough that the consumer remembers it.
Look at the subway 5 dollar footlongs song. They probably spent downwards of 7 minutes wrtiing that whole song, and it was a huge success. The slogan is now being used for something like the 4th year in a row.
(sent via cell phone)

Sunday, June 19, 2011

The Civic: The official Car of Horny Ninjas!

Toyota, Nissan, and Honda normal don't bring up the fact that they are Japanese companies in their ads. If they mention geography at all it is normally to focus on the fact that most of the vehicles they sell in America  are actually built in the southern United States.*

But this Honda ad features Japanese stuff out the ass. It starts what appears to be the slightly older Japanse version of "Hit Girl", is clearly is supposed to take place in Japan, has the main character go to a video game arcade, which I guess must still be popular in Japan but died out in America before the Play Station 2 had even come out. The ad even has those crazy customized "Art" trucks that are a thing in Japan but exist nowhere else, ever.

Over top all of this a girl group sings "I'm a Ninja! I'm a HORNY Ninja!" over and over again. If someone tried to make a safe-for-TV tourist ad for Japan based solely on reading the Cracked.com topics page about Japan, this would probably be the result.



In Summery: I have watched this commercial 4 times now, and my main reaction still is: "What the fuck just happened?"


Footnote(s):
*Which I would like to take the time to as quickly as possible point out that numerous foreign cars made in american these days makes these companies responsible for as many american factory jobs as GM or Chrysler, who make almost all of their parts overseas at this point and just ship them to Detroit so they can stamp "Assembled in the USA" on their cars.

Many of the best selling GM and Chrysler models are actually made in Mexico and Canada these days (the canadian government ownes 10 percent of Chrysler because they gave a bunch of money to its bailout because it has so many factories in Canada.)

I'm not against overseas manufacturing, I just think its funny when people talk about "buying American" without doing the research into where their car is actually being made. Read this USA Today article if you want more info on this. Sorry to get serious for a minute. Here is the Monty Python Fish Slapping Dance to lighten the mood:

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Podcast Episode 19

Thor's Hour of Thunder: Episode 19: Mars Needs Women!
We continue to have a sexy official site over at HourOfThunder.Podomatic.com, check it out.

This Episode We discuss:

Gary Oldman, X-men First Class, Kevin Bacon, Everything is better with Bacon, Everything is Better with Kevin Bacon, The Professional, Leon The Professional, Sebastian Shaw, Hugh Hefner, The Cuban Missile Crisis, Juggernaut, I'm the Juggernaut Bitch, Magneto, Professor X, Professor Charles Xavier, James McAvoy, Michael F. Assbender, Michael Fassbender, Danny Trejo, Runaway Trian, Eric Roberts, Key Grip, The Face is Familiar, The Dark Knight, Batman, Emma Robert's Dad, Doctor Who, Heath Ledger, The Joker, Diamonds are Forever, Moonraker, Ian Fleming, James Bond, the novel version of Moonraker, Wild Wild West, Will Smith, Tampa Bay Lightening, Tampa Bay Lightening Flash, The Flash, D.C. Comics. Los Angeles, Sacramento Kings, L.A. Kings, Anaheim Kings, Clippers, L.A. Clippers, Kobe Bryant, Lakers, L.A. Lakers, Michael Vick, The Eagles, Hide your beagle Vick's and Eagle, Two and a half men, Charlie Sheen, Chuck Lore, Shut Up Crime!, Rainn Wilson, Super, Ellen Page, Coastal City, Green Lantern, Central City, The Shadow, Continental City, Canada, Hockey, , NHL HOCKEY, Stanley Cup, The Question, Watchmen, Hub City, Roshak, Roshak Sucks, moral compass, Ra al ghul, Cool World, Liam Neeson, Gabriel Byrne, Animated Horror, Horror, Fritz the Cat, X Rated for a reason, Lord of the Rings, Animated, American Pop, ralph bakshi, The original plot of the horror movie version of "Cool World". Johnny Cash, My Name is sue, how do you do? now your gonna die! denny o'neil

In keeping with our tradition of giving these episodes unrelated titles, we do not discuss "Mars Neds Women" the 1966 American International Pictures film.


Podcast Episode 2

Howdy there folks. Now that we upgraded over at podomatic, we can re-upload some of the old episodes of the podcast which we had to delete due to space constraints. Here is the first of these.

Thor's Hour of Thunder episode 2: The Wrath of Khan


Remember we still have a sexy official site for the podcast over at HourOfThunder.Podomatic.com


In this episode Shaun and Danny discusses death of the Human Torch, the fantastic four movies, Blade, Blade II, Julian McMahon, Nip/Tuck, Batman the Animated Series, DC versus Marvel Silver age comics, Clint Eastwood, The two 21st century big screen versions of the Incredible Hulk, Andrew Jackson,the X-files, Mad cow disease, Thomas Jefferson, and much more



Photo credit: its from this awesome cracked.com article entitled "Genius or Insane?"

Podcast Episode 18


Thor's Hour of Thunder: Episode 18: Beneath the Valley of the Ultra-Vixens


Sorry about the time off dear listeners, Thor and Baldr where off fighting the Ice Giants.

This week we discuss: X-men first class, Natalie Portman, Yalta, Ukraine, Star Wars: Episode 2: Attack of the Clones, Sand, Hayden Christensen, Doctor McNinja, Dr. McNinja, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 4: Turtles in Time, Level 5 of that game, Lets kick shell!, Turtles forever, Waffle House, Waffle Hut, International House of Pancakes, velociraptor, Iron Man, Iron Man 2, Lord of the RIngs, Lost, Charlie from Lost, Liev Schrieber, The Prestige, X-men Origins: Wolverine, The Hellfire Club, Gene Wilder, Donald Sutherland, Orson Welles, "Start the Revolution Without Me", Robert Shaw, Marque De Sade, M.A.S.H., Kelly's Heros, Clint Eastwood,Beneath the Valley of the Ultra-Vixens, peter wyngarde, Jason King.

Budweiser loves all teams equally

No wait! Bud says go Mets!

(PS Sorry about the huge space
below this image, I still haven't figured out how to have blogger
let me put more than one image on the same line without
it making a huge space below it, and making the formatting look
like ass in general.)

Bud says Go Yanks!
I get that any company that is the "official shitty beer" or " official cut of pork*" or "the official anal lubricant" of major league baseball is going to do team specific ads in each market using the logos of
the home team.

Obviously, they are not gonna make 30 different ads, so they photoshop the team's logo onto a
standard ad template.

As you can see here, bud when several steps beyond this.  Using the same models and photo but
splicing in the uniforms and stadium of each team.
No wait! Bud can't decide, but just
loves all baseball!

The photoshopping on this is first rate. I wish any movie poster ever bothered doing photoshop work
this well.

 If New York didn't have two different baseball teams and if Budweiser had not chosen to use ads for both the Yankees and Mets using this same photoshopped scene in the same subway cars, I am sure this wouldn't bother me. But as a Mets fan it makes me sad to see them getting the exact same ad as the Yankees. I am sure Yankees fans feel the same way.

So my final ruling on these ads is this: I have to give Budweiser accolades for doing such a great job in the execution of these ads. But I don't think they are gonna sell very much beer if people keep seeing them side by side with a team they hate. 

I am a new york transplant who doesn't follow baseball religiously, I can't even imagine how pissed this makes die hard life long fans who see these ads side by side on the subway.

Thanks to Kerry for pointing this silliness out to me, she also showed me that W.B. Mason uses the same ad in all their advertising space in every stadium in the country they buy ads, which says something along the lines of "W.B. Mason loves the your sports team name here now and forever and is loyal to them and no one else, pinky swear!"

Kerry pointed out it is pretty funny to see W.B. Mason cheering for every baseball team in the country if you are at a bar showing multiple games.


Footnote(s):
*I assume the iowa chop is the official cut if meat of the low minor league hockey team named "the iowa chops". Yes that is an actual team, read a great review of that team's name at logo over at Bush League Factor. (Actually if you don't read Bush League Factor in general, you should start, its really funny.)







Saturday, June 11, 2011

I don't know who mr g is. But jodie applegate just evaporated him with her laser vision.


 "Mr. G", a stupid name for a newscaster but decent name for a hip hop producer. One Minute he is there, then....
BAMF!